a speck of sawdust

Lisa* came into our clinic requesting a pregnancy test. She sat alone in the waiting room. She looked so sad. I assumed her expression came from fear or disappointment about this pregnancy...my first unnoticed speck of “sawdust”… 

During the consultation she shared with me that she was happy and excited to become a mother. Though unplanned, she already felt “such love in her heart “ for her baby. I spoke with her about her faith, as she had marked on her intake form that she was a Christian. I assumed her faith would be a source of comfort to her…another speck in my eye… 

The sadness that I had seen in the waiting room came over her face again and she began to tear up. A moment of joy suddenly turned very sad as she told me how she attends church along with family and friends and felt that her relationship with the Lord was very personal and foundational. Yet, she cried as she told me about the shame she felt in her heart. 

Shame in telling her pastor, shame in telling her church friends, and shame in telling her family members about her pregnancy. Shame that she is unwed and in a newer relationship with the father of the baby, who also is a Believer.

We talked about how the church as a body should be a place that prompts conviction, and holds us accountable to the Lord’s word, but ultimately should be a place of love, a place representing Jesus’ command of loving each other well...yet another speck in my eye… 

We both came to a raw conclusion that as believers in Jesus Christ, feeling conviction in our hearts when judging someone else’s behavior is often the Holy Spirit reminding us to reflect Christ's love and humility. Judgement without grace can harden our hearts and distance us from those who need it most, like Lisa, her partner, and this growing baby...and another speck in my eye… 

We ended in prayer together and her story has stuck with me. The Lord has placed Matthew 7:3 on my heart, and it has caused conviction on my soul. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own.” 

My prayer is that Lisa, and all who walk through our doors, will be met, not with shame, but with the love, grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. 

*Name changed to protect our client's privacy.